babies were throwing up all over the place
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
