cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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