Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
