I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
