yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
