never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
