Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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