One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
