That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
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