were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
