I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
