I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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