u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
