Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize