I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
