I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
