Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm always down for nudity.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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