So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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