he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
