there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
