just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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