i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
