kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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