dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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