I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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