Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
