I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
