I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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