Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
being pregnant is like rehab
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize