im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
