We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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