Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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