Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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