he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
