Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Will exercising make me less horny?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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