Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
