I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
