I need help removing her.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Randomize
