Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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