I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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