So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
