i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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