suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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