Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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