I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he thought i was a dude.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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