when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
