It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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