They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
So. Much. Porn.
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