I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize