I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize