Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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