what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
