I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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