Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We left the knife in your bed.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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