he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
