is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
