i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
