he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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