Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
