the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Sorry about my life...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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