it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
