She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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