Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
