when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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