What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
