I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
