My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
