i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
